Your horrible horoscope for January is for entertainment (perhaps) purposes only. Please don’t throw rocks at me.
Horrible Horoscope for:
Capricorn
It is your birthday. You will find that a friend tells you something very odd. Try not to act surprised. This should be easy for you as you have the emotional sensitivity of a dead fish.
Aquarius
If you don’t do it, who will? No one. That’s who. No rest for you this month. Keep talking and try to convince yourself that you can talk it all through. In order to convert the horrible horoscope into real one, online kundali matching should be accepted to get the deal cracked. The talking to the alternatives should be great to match with the requirements. The information available should be correct and trus for the Aquarius.
Pisces
It is time to learn a new song. The album you are working on is awful. But don’t worry. You can redo the whole thing and make hundreds of dollars. Don’t think of the past year as wasted effort. Think of it as a journey. Pay attention to your January horoscope from last year as well.
Aries
Whoa. Watch the stress level. You are going to have to find some way to de-stress before you alienate everyone in the entire world.
Taurus
If you are feeling low this month, it is just your hormones. Just let things coast for a couple of weeks. In the spring you’ll be back to grabbing yourself by the horns again. This year, just please do it in private. Ignore false horoscopes.
Gemini
Feeling Fickle? If you answered “no” you need to look deeper. Your inner child is upset with you and needs to know his/her place in your life now. You don’t believe you have an inner child? Well, you can’t be helped then. I give up.
Cancer
Sea Monkeys deserve love too. Embrace the humor inside or you will perish in a well of doom. Don’t ignore any horoscope for your sun sign or your rising sign this month. Be nice to virgo friends.
Leo
Now would be a great time to get a better haircut. You are stuck in the 1980’s.
Virgo
This January, you are the best person in the world. Really. You are.
Libra
So, you think you are on a roll and that everything is clear from here on out? You are wrong. Now is the time to focus on matters of the heart. Someone is confused about their place in your life. Be more clear. Buy flowers for yourself to let you know you care.
Scorpio
You are really making some people angry. I know you don’t care but you should. Try to be nice at least once a day. It won’t kill you.
P.S. Yes, your butt looks big in those pants.
Sagittarius
You are keeping secrets. Some of these you should hold inside forever. Others–especially if they have to do with a crime–must be told. Big brother is watching.
The Super Supernatural weather forecast for the United States.
The New England states will experience some angry wraith-wrapped rotations towards the end of January. Around the 15th, strong magnetic winds will blow southward from Canada, disrupting U.S. Citizens’ sense of well-being. People in Michigan and Wisconsin will feel especially surly and will blame Canadians.